SPORTS PARENTING

School holidays has provided many parents a break from lots of kids chores such as lunches, uniforms and weekend sport as seasons take a break. Are you a parent who misses your child’s sport a little , a lot, or are you soooo glad to not have to go ,because it is always a little daunting standing with people who seem to know a lot more than you ,about what your kids are going through.  As a cricketer I always enjoyed the psychology of people and looking into WHY things happened not just WHAT happened and as a parent I am no different.

Parental emotion intrigues me everytime I stand on the sideline . The variety of  sideline styles are as diverse as those on the field and my message to supporters is simple- be aware of how you sound and what you are saying. If you  can  understand what motivates your behaviour , you can  be great value to everyone.

At a recent football match I attended there was a massive weight/size difference between two sets of junior forwards. I guess some parents didn’t even notice this , as they hollered excitedly watching the big ones steamroll the smaller ones of anxious parents.  Why they were cheering so vigorously, only they could answer. It was ugly, intimidating to the smaller players and uncalled for . It does the bigger boys no good either because things only start to count in sport when size isn’t an issue, not before.

So, what is your style?  Is it quiet, is it rowdy, is it humorous, encouraging, instructional or critical maybe of opponents, coaching or officials? Can you accept a below par performance or do you have to do something about it ? If you know which of the above are you and WHY you are like that, your awareness is good. If you don’t know why you are loud when you hit the sideline at rugby but quiet for cricket, yet critical at netball, you might need some self analysis.

 Remember, it is about them, not you as a parent . Parental nerves are useless and should be masked by enjoyment of being there. Steve Waugh and Glenn McGrath have boys in the same cricket team , their challenge is to allow the other parents to be themselves by creating a relaxed environment for all.

That’s one reason why it is good to be supporting in a  sport you don’t know as much about. I was sacked as my son’s caddy one year in a regional tournament when he was 10. “The poor little fella can’t get through 4 days without me wheeling his bag, helping him with his putts and telling him when to eat  etc etc “. After day 1 Helen says to me , “has Tom spoken to you yet?” He hadn’t ,so they broached it together.  “He would rather not have a caddy from now on, with a couple of reasons provided” “FINE “, was my hurried, shocked response as I went away to analyse the wreck. I got it immediately, he had played with just his mates all year and now this fun policeman , was helping him physically, but preventing a lot of other freedom. “Don’t swear, don’t sulk after that missed putt, no spitting the dummy, drink more water , look for your partner’s ball, keep up”  and on and on . He was good at all of that but not perfect and that’s what I was after unknowingly . My sacking was a highlight for the other dads.

The next day ,the little bugger put on a show – 39 on the front 9, everything flushed down the middle. It was hot and I knew he hadn’t touched  the lollies, sandwiches, biscuits or fruit in his bag . A missed putt on 11 and a bogey on 12 brought a tear to his eye and a swear word or two under his breath.  He shot 10 shots worse on the back nine but still won the day and the eating lesson was learned better through experience rather than a niggling dad making him eat .

All young sportspeople are learning heaps everytime they attend a training , pull on the match outfit and warm up and with every success or failure . It could be technical, physical or social but the sporting environment is unreal for teaching skills to cope . We fail more times than we succeed in sport but the ability to bounce back is natural if they love having a go. Go with them to enjoy nothing more.